Rapunzel…Rapunzel, Why Did You Let Down Your Hair?

towerAw my dear friend how I’ve thought of you so in the last several days. It wasn’t long ago I found you kneeling upon a blanket of fallen leaves and dirt. Your mud-splattered red cape was torn and tattered from your flight into the forest. The brush had ripped at your skin and cloth as you raced into the sanctity of the darkness.  You had rushed to your peace under the canopy of limbs and leaves. You sought to hide from the light. Yes, it was here that I found you. Fresh tears brewing at your eyelids as they readied to fall upon cheeks already stained from those which had already dried. I brushed them away with my thumbs while I listened to your painful plea…”If only to forget. If only to not remember.”

If only I could’ve pulled a red apple from my pocket, shined it upon my shirt and wiped the juice from your lip as you took the first delicious bite. I would’ve taken you in my arms as the spell overtook your exhausted body and carried you high into Rapunzel’s tower for much needed sleep. I’d leave you there, tucked away safely as your heart healed the thousand fissures left within in. I’d let you sleep until the nightmares ceased and dreams took their place. I’d place my Merry Men strategically in the treetops, fortified with bows and arrows to cease anyone who tried to cross your borders. I’d don my armor as I stood guard at the base of your tower daring anyone to threaten your slumber. I would use the wish granted me to find you to awaken without the need of true love’s kiss but rather solely on your own belief in the day to be filled with endless possibilities of hope, peace and happiness. Your eyes would open to the brightness of the day and the painful memories would be left in the darkness of your slumber.

All of this I would do for you. Sadly life is not a fairytale. It’s without high towers or apples with the gift of peaceful sleep. Yet for as much as there is truth in this, there is also truth in the fact that there is no evil queen or Maleficent’s dragon. There is no one with such power as to steal your brightness. There is one part of all of this where there is truth…there may not be a Prince or Princess Charming but there is a village. Within this village you will find me. Let me straighten your dented crown. Let me bring you forth into your village of friends and support. Standing here among us you will find the woman who brought a hug when all that was asked for was a hand. The woman who brought a raging fire when all that was asked for was a small spark from a match. It is here within our canopy you will find your light.

Family, Cocktails, Retail Therapy and Make-up…Yes, Make-up

I Megs and Momrecently posted that I had come to realize when life gives you lemons…you make a really sour face and drink wine! Who needs lemonade when you have wine? I mean, they’re both fruit based. Right? This past weekend was a prime example of the revised statement. I met my mom and sister in Alabama. Now beyond it being right-smack-dab in the middle of “Roll Tide Country”, it wasn’t all bad. I must admit it was a truly beautiful campus. So we will leave that statement right there and follow it up with “Geaux Tigers”.

Back to the weekend…I met my family at a good halfway point between Georgia and Louisiana. There are times when you need your family. Times when you need your friends. And times when you need the family that are your friends. Those people who have known you all of your life or all of theirs. They’ve seen your good, your bad, your weakness and your strength. There’s nothing quite as comforting as someone who knows all of that about you reaching across to touch your hand with eyes and voice saying “I know.” When you catch one another staring out of the window as the song changes on the radio. When you catch one another looking away from the television during a certain scene or topic. When you catch one another dazing blankly lost in memories or thoughts. When you catch one another in those times and say simply “I know.” In between those times we laughed. We shared bloody marys and wine. We ate poor choices with a little bit of good stuff thrown in for good measure. We channel surfed. We shopped. The power of retail therapy which in this case included make-up. Yes, as I said…make-up. Who knew so much would change about make-up over the years. We all shared a giggle if not a full-blown chuckle at my reaction to the questions the Ulta beauty assistant kept asking me. Basically I learned about make-up techniques from my mom in high school. I must admit I gave no further thought to my teachings. I suppose I didn’t realize things would change from your basic base, blush, eye shadow and mascara. Let’s just say…I was wrong! Who knew there was now primer, contouring of blushes, an ungodly amount of variation to eye shadow application and a finishing spray? Safe to say my credit card balance was not too thrilled with this new knowledge.

 

To Live in a Bubble

Would we want to live in a bubble if we could? If it was at all possible, wouldn’t we choose to live in protection? To have the ability to protect ourselves, our families and our friends from all illness, injury or heartache that could harm us. Sadly, such a bubble doesn’t exist. As of late I’ve wondered if such a bubble did exist would I really want to live it…or my son to live in it? When we actually break it down, would we risk the loss of experience for the security of protection. I’ve thought of my son a great deal lately where this is concerned. I want to protect him from injury. Yet not at the sacrifice of experience. I want to protect his heart from being broken. Yet not at the sacrifice of him never knowing the joy of truly falling in love.

This caused me to reflect on my own bubble. I once fashioned myself to have a mighty bubble…perhaps even a bubble inside of a bubble–one layer thicker than the other. I believed it was my best source of protection. I may have even convince myself it was impenetrable. Of course I was wrong. I’ve been left wondering, is that such a bad thing? Just as I wouldn’t want to deny my son, I too shouldn’t deny myself the same life experiences. Yes, some lead to pains in the body or heart. Pains you really question will ever be healed. Wow…but do some lead to pretty amazing feelings. Would life be worth experiencing if for only living in a protective bubble?

Recently my clinic experiences have made me know the truth in all of this. In the last week, I’ve lost three patients. Three that had proven my bubble wasn’t as strong as I thought as they broke through both layers. One in particular. I remember my exact surroundings when the staff came in to tell me of her passing. I immediately thought of her husband. My heart ached for him. He was extremely attentive to her needs with such love in his eyes. I wanted to support him. So, I looked up the service arrangements. The picture of the woman that pulled up was not the one I had come to know. Seeing this young woman in a picture, which looked to be taken in the seventies, shook me. She had wild, curly hair and a smile vibrant of life–a smile full of possibility in a life yet to come. It’s hard to explain fully what I felt but here I was seeing the part of a full circle of her life through the eyes of those who loved her the most. I had shared with her where life had taken her and seen the innocence of her happiness in the future before her. My sadness for her husband was dampened somewhat with the thoughts of the life they had shared together. I was happy to have been included in their bubble.

There was another bubble I was a part of this past week. I had to give a husband and wife pretty hard, life-altering news. Sometimes our diagnostic tests leave us with results not easily discussed or received. Our bubbles overlapped one another’s that afternoon. I let them into mine to feel their fears and concerns. They let me into theirs for answers to questions that will change the lives they know. The man cupped his large hands over my hand as he told me goodbye. He commented to his wife as to how small my hand was in his. She said, “Small hand. Big heart.”

It was a hard week for my bubble and the bubbles of those around me. We can’t always live in a bubble for we would never know the full spectrum of the feelings we are capable of absorbing. Sometimes…sometimes…that’s not a bad thing.

After My Storm

I found myself not so long ago floating atop smooth waters under the most gorgeous night sky infinitely filled with the brightest stars I had ever seen. My mind was filled with possibility. My heart beat wildly with excitement in the dreams of the days to come. My soul…my soul was happy…filled with hope and happy. The happy that one fleetingly feels after reading the last page of a happy ending or standing from a movie seat after the show had taken you to a world you only ever wished existed. As corny as it sounds, it was that kind of happy! It was as if I was floating in a boat looking up at the stars. I was lost in not only their beauty but also, the lulling sounds of water rocking me peacefully within its waves. Yes, that kind of happy! The kind where everything fit which left me with satisfaction of my strength in weathering life’s storms to get me here.

If you noticed I said “was”. Continue reading

Change

Change…

 

That word…that one little word with so much meaning behind it. Some people say they hate change. Hate the whole concept of it. But truly, is there any way to avoid it? Doesn’t change happen daily? From small nuances not noticed to full blown “Oh hell, what just happened to my life?” I’m not sure I really thought much of this word until over the last year when “change” fell more into the latter category.

 

I write this blog with heartfelt gratitude as it is directed to those readers and friends who have contacted me about the release of After the Storm which is the third book in the Chambers of the Heart series. Thank you so much for your interest in the series! Book three will be published however not in the timing noted on Amazon or other websites. Many may have noticed the difference in the style of the cover for It Pours versus When It Raynes. This was the initial phase of my writing change. As of late, I have been fortunate to have gotten my original covers back. I had such a difficult time writing through the disappointment I had in the changes that led to the loss of my original covers. I must admit to a strong writer’s block due to this. Over this time frame, my publisher and I have decided to put a hold on our future endeavors. In fact, in the very near future and during this transition When It Raynes and It Pours will not be available for purchase. There will be some growing pain. However, my hopes are with this change there will be better growth in my creativity with the series.

 

As if this was not a big enough change, life decided to jump on the bandwagon. I’ve experienced losses and gains. All of which took its own bite out of my little fingers pecking away on a keyboard in the silence of the night as they once had done. To be completely honest with you, I feared I had lost the ability to mold words from my thoughts into a story worth telling. Through the encouragement of friends, I wrote a short story for a soon to be published anthology by Sapphire Publishing. I’m very happy to share that “Ten Hours” was chosen to be included. This I believe is the first step in accepting the effects of change.

 

So, yes there has been change. Yes, there has been sacrifice which came with it. But there has also been growth! Much growth that I hope will only lead to positive effects on my creativity. It’s time to dust off those keys! Thank you to all of you who have checked in. Stay tuned. I’m hoping for an exciting ride.

The Last Drive

A woman aged well with life and years

Travels an unwanted journey along a highway

There’s not much to bring her home to this past

Raw, physical reminders of a life no more

Change…inevitable.

 

She looks out across the fields bordering the road

Her last trip along this asphalt found the ground covered in crop

White cotton giving the façade of a fresh fallen snow

Now only with mounds of dirt scattered with stems and leaves

Change…inevitable.

 

She passes a creek slowly streaming along her path

Her child’s laughter once echoed off of the surface

A time of play within its warm summer water

Over years its course narrowed by fallen limbs and overgrown roots

Change…inevitable.

 

She passes a man walking across the lawn of one of many homes peppering the road

Hours he spent tirelessly beautifying its landscape

His steps slow and cautious—his back bent hovering over his feet

A walk to his mailbox to be his most strenuous activity

Change…inevitable.

 

She stares at the church seen at the end of the road

A wooden building set before a path of stone and dirt

Through mature eyes it is but a small one room building

Yet through her youthful eyes she had envisioned it a cathedral

Change…inevitable.

 

She walks through the doors

Along carpet no longer plush from years of footsteps

No notice is given to the expression upon the faces of those watching

She stares only at the shine of the wooden box

Change…inevitable.

 

She reaches into her pocket to hold the crumbled letter

Her hands shaking as they had done each and every time she had read it

Lightly she kisses the paper holding the last words she would ever hear

A tear falls from her eye to dampen the paper held against her cheek

Change…inevitable.

 

The church nothing but a speck in a rearview’s mirror

The feeble man sits on his porch next to the woman who had shared his life

The creek’s water ripples as children skip stones across it surface

An irrigation system sprinkles across the field in preparation of a new crop

The road before her aged well with life and years now a new journey to be had

Change…inevitable.

A love…everlasting.

cdcain, 11/2016

 

Rainbow Awards Honorable Mention

I am so happy to say that It Pours got listed in the Honorable Mentions for this year’s Rainbow Awards. Whoop! Elisa Rainbow hosts this event for us authors. This woman herself deserves a medal! Her and her judges give tirelessly of their time to put this out every year. Check out her Facebook page! I think you will find some good books you may not have known about.

2016 Rainbow Awards Honorable Mention: It Pours by C.D. Cain (149-06-15-2016)
Oct. 2nd, 2016 10:13 am
reviews_and_ramblings: (Default)[personal profile] reviews_and_ramblings
1) Having not read the first book I was concerned that I would not be able to follow this one, however that wasn’t the case. I really enjoyed this authors book especially liked the characters Mo, Jazlyn, and Stormy. The authors writing has a smooth even flow and makes reading her story very enjoyable.

2) I have liked a lot this book. The story is believable and realistic. The protagonist is likable with all her flaws, because she is simply a human being that try to find herself in a chaotic and demanding setting. It is a book that left me wanting to know what happen next, and this in my experience is always a good thing when a book is part of a series. Good job!

3) Slow-paced, a little drawn out at times, but the plot is wholly focused on Rayne and her development as a character. Good exploration. A little wordy at times, but the character is *thinking* about things, so I find it reasonable. The author is not just talking to talk, but revealing questions and deep concerns about the character. I like that some elements didn’t resolve cleanly (Sam, Charlie Grace) but that there was overall support. Helped lend a real feeling to the story. Areas were developed as much as they needed to be. I did find the overuse of rainstorms to be somewhat overdone. Setting wasn’t the principal focus, but when it was called for, it was reasonable. Overall character development was well-done. Rayne feels like a real character caught up in circular logic due to trying to reconcile everything amidst fear. Mo, Jazzlyn, and Violet are also believeable, and all of the character scenarios are believeable. There is a tendency to have some shared voicing between all the characters, as if they are different aspects of each other, but otherwise they each have their own little things that make them different and feel like different people. Nice use of regional dialect. Dialogue is good overall, feels organic. As mentioned before, a little wordy, but not without reason. Still, some paragraphs were easily skipped over and might be distilled down to their core meaning rather than rambling. Some typos, some usage problems (bass, which is the low sounds between a specific range of frequencies, and base, the flat part of an object which contacts another surface, are not the same) that need to be resolved in the final copies.
It Pours (Chambers of the Heart) by C.D. Cain
Lesbian Contemporary General Fiction

Let’s Talk About Sam, Baby…Let’s Talk About Her and Rayne…

See what I did there? Now, that song will be stuck in your head all day. But hey…what better way to start a discussion. Since the release of It Pours, I’ve had many comments in regards to Sam and her role in Rayne’s life. I can’t tell you how much I’ve loved reading the insight into these characters. After reading my last email I had the idea to do this blog post as a way of an open discussion between any of those who wish to join in versus a one-on-one discussion between myself and a single reader.

We’ve all had that person who comes into our life where we question to ourselves the purpose of their appearance…and sadly sometimes disappearance. What brought them to us? Why were they put before us? Will they be a prominent long term addition or are they simply here to show me what I could not see? In Sam and Rayne’s case–will they come back? (Psst…I know the answer to that one.)

So, here it is a short little blog to hopefully start some discussion. I’ll leave the blog up indefinitely for comments but over the next several days, I’m devoting my time toward this blog so the conversation can be as if we are sitting at a table sharing coffee or cocktail. Let’s have some fun while the girls are away!

Oh, by the way, is that song still stuck in your head?

 

Reading and Talk with Zebra Coalition

I am really excited to announce a reading and talk I am doing later this month. I posted awhile back how I wanted to try to do more. Speak up more. Be more active in my community. Well…this is my first step.
On August 19 from 3:00-6:00 I will be reading from It Pours as well as sharing my own coming out story with the Zebra Coalition. The Zebra Coalition is a network of organizations which provide services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and all youth (LGBT+) ages 13 – 24.
I’m donating books to their library but am also raffling a signed copy of either book to anyone who donates to this group supporting the youth of our community. Or if the winner prefers, Bedazzled Ink Publishing has offered a pre-release copy of After the Storm, Book III in the Chamber of the Heart Series to the winner. The link is below. If you donate,please email me at cdcain1019@yahoo.com so that I may keep up with your name for the drawing.

http://zebrayouth.org